Everyone cant say the right thing ALL the time and everyone can make mistakes. Its natural for someone who knows nothing about the situation to be curious as to how you feel,and/or to be awkward or uncomfortable
Above all a parent wishes to have their baby back!
Acknowledging their babys existence is the best gift of all
It is important that the child is remembered...
The following ideas apply equally well as gifts
or as personal memorials established by the parents.
Web site (if you cant make your own their are many places you can leave a tribute..i will include some links later)
Gardens ( these can be as big or small as you like...often a rose bush or a rose garden is planted or anykind of tree or bush is lovely.One which will flower at the anniversary of the loss can be especially suitable)
Statues ( these come in all shapes and forms, any size or type which suits your garden or budget...there are many lovely angels and cherubs and so on. I have a tiny terracotta cherub statue which sits on a shelf in my kitchen above the stove.
What else can I do?
*Cards or notes ("thinking of you" type)
*Short visits (Call first/just listen and support)
*Buy a gift/memento/curio for the baby
*Plant a tree
*DONT say "Let me know if theres anything i can do"
very very rarely will anyone 'let you know' which sadly turns the well meaning and usually very genuine statement into a rather empty meaningless phrase.
(similar to 'we must get together sometime!' etc)
Instead - make specific offers-
eg. "I'll bring round a casserole for your freezer"
or "come to tea with us tomorrow night"
Turn up and offer to take their living children for the day/afternoon...whatever
BUT..do take No for an answer and Dont be offended if they refuse!.Dont pressure
Respect their choice.Continue to make random offers,Just knowing you care means a lot!.
"What helped me.." (visitors to Eastwing share their experiences)
"The best things folks did for me was to cook meals. I even had one friend water plants because I had no desire to take care of anything living once something inside me died. These folks will never know how a noodle casserole or watering the ivy got me through it. That and two 'Amy Grant' Cds that i played over and over again."
My mum told me that she'd seen my husband crying. He still doesn't know that I know, 15 years on. But I do, and I'm glad I know.Guys, let your wife know you are brokenhearted.
Please HELP others... Add what helped YOU!!!!
(For the moment the input form had to be moved to another page,
Please click here!)
"'what helps' LINKS" How to be an angel to a friend (excellant ideas and thoughts on what to do and say)
(see more of this siteHere!) Rituals mothers perform after a miscarriage (Klaaasje's wonderful pages of both her own ideas for memorial rituals and those of other mothers.
The above floor plan of the 'East wing will make it easier to find your way around. (You are currently in ROOM 3.)
For first time visitors with no experience of miscarriage;Welcome and thank you for visiting.I urge you to please start with ROOM 1!
Also please take a look at ROOM 2which considers how the parents are feeling..
If you have had a miscarriage and are looking for specific help/information ..
Firstly i am sorry for your loss, you could try ROOM 3(you are here) which suggests a few things to do which help with the grieving process.
If you are feeling things are hard to cope with..maybe ROOM 5 which lets you know you are not alone with your emotions and sometimes extreme feelings after a loss.
Naturally there is always the question 'Why?'.Often this simply cannot be answered but in ROOM 6 there are listed some causes of miscarriage.
ROOM 7and ROOM 9
are 'public' memorial rooms where parents have left touching tributes to their own babies.You can view these and if you wish to leave one of your own ..go to
ROOM 8to submit a memorial using the blank form there. ROOM 10 is my personal tribute to our 'Sweetpea',story and memorial.
ROOM 11 is the links library - listing helpful links to other memorial sites and miscarriage help information resources.
ROOM 12 Is a special link page for people who kindly use my banner and link to 'East wing..to display their banner ( or have their site listed) Your site does not have to deal with miscarriage related topics to be listed here.