that one day a beautiful fairy appears and promises you something wonderful and magical
this is the positive pregnancy test
She gives you a special tiny seed and a little pot. "Plant your seed and care for it" she instructs
"and in time " she promises..."it will grow into what you desire!" and she disapears!
Let us assume that you desire a money tree! This is the seed for a money tree!
Imagine ~!You are so excited! You plant the seed and tend it and water it
maybe you talk to it,feed it,love it!
Every day you check to see if it has grown..then one day.. A tiny plantlet breaks through the soil! A miracle! IT has two tiny leaves (and no money)
but it is a money tree! You imagine what it will look like! Tall and strong and heavy with LOTS AND LOTS of money!
Who knows how long you have this fragile plant..maybe a day , a week, a month, six months, nine months..
not only have you imagined what it will be like...you have spent the money!
in the same way,from conception,parents imagine their children, name them, plan their futures!
Then one day you go to tend your plant...and it is dead.
this is the miscarriage
Withered and shriveled. All hope is gone. you are so sad, disapointed,letdown,heartbroken
What a shock!
Maybe you blame yourself..or you look for someone or something else to blame..
Then someone looks over your shoulder and laughs! 'That wasnt really a money tree!' they mock
'its just a little weed!there was probably something wrong with it!'
What NOT to say!!!
I was in the process of miscarrying..bleeding ..trying not to cry..having seen our dead baby on the ultrasound...
a senior midwife breezed into the room and chirped
"Ah yes! Well, nature takes care of her mistakes!!!"
this has remained THE most shocking and painful things anyone has said to me
concerning the loss. The day before, oblivious to any problem we had been excitedly planning our babys future
we loved it, anticipated it,were excited and thrilled. We imagined our baby, thought up names..looked forward to it.
Now someone was labelling our dead loved one A MISTAKE!
They put my little babe into a specimen jar and let me look before they took it away for research. I had to ask to see it. I wasn't asked if they could take it.
Later, a nurse overheard me speaking to my husband, who was abroad, on the phone."You told him you lost the baby. It wasn't really a baby, you know."
That was 13 years ago. I have never forgotten or forgiven. "It" would have been a teenager in July.I know personally and knew then, people I saw on a scan at that stage in development who are now my dear, loving son and daughter.
Women after a miscarriage have lost a baby. That is the fact and the medical profession should employ people competent to deal with the real emotion. It is only a generation ago that still births were taken abrubtly from their mothers with horrific results. We should be allowed the dignity of grief.
Motherhood is a very big deal and starts with conception.
It really hurt me that my very best friend said, "Just call me if you need anything." I did call him, of course, but he never called me back... in almost 4 months.
things my father-in law said...
(the evening of my D&C): "So, are you walking funny?"
(overheard him on the phone four days after my D&C): "Oh, she's fine. You know, modern technology."
I started losing our baby the evening after my 1st doctor's appointment. The next morning, I went back and the doctor kept saying,"products of conception" and told me "You're losing your pregnancy" about 6 times. I lost a sweet baby. As far as I'm concern, that little being was a baby from the moment we conceive it.
Also, both my husband & my parents live in different states 8+ hrs. away. I felt so alone. The friends to whom we were VERY close were on vacation out of state. My husband called them and told them I had started to miscarry on Thursday. They never called back to ask how I was doing. They got home Sunday night. I finished miscarrying Monday night, and called them to ask if I should go to the ER. She spoke with me and at the end of the conversation, told me,"I've been thinking about calling you all day today, but never got around to it." (Thank you -- now I feel totally alone.) And she had had a miscarriage herself year ago!
I had two miscarriages, but we only told people about the second.
I think the most heartless things said to me were "You can always have another". And "You couldn't afford another baby right now anyway". Like the baby was a new car or something. I still ache for both of my "missing" children.
I had a miscarriage at 11 1/2 weeks but I believe my baby had died at least a few weeks prior. Shortly after the nurse finished placing the remains of my baby in a small jar, she asked me, "So did the doctor say if you miscarried"?
What hurt even more was after I had the m/c, my sister-in-law told me of her dream that I would lose the baby and that it was due to "my problem" with my one bad kidney. Talk about putting blame on someone and being naive. The non-functioning kidney had nothing to do with it. 3 specialists told me it was o.k. to get pregnant. This left me with the impression that she didn't think I could ever have another baby. I wish she would have kept her dream to herself!.
I was told I should be glad that I could conceive. At this time, it didn't matter because I had lost. One lady called to tell lend a shoulder but referred to my baby and miscarriage as "my little problem". "My little problem" was due on my birthday. We told our parents on Father's Day. It has been 3 months and it I still feel empty. I was told I would see my baby in heaven by one woman. I believe I will see he/she in heaven, but I want to hold it now.
(Other peoples lists of what not to say!)
I wish you wouldnt say that...
'Floor plan' of the East Wing;
| Room 9
| Room 11
| Room 2
| Room 4
| Room 6
| Room 8
| Room 10
| Room 12