What to say.....

im finding this section one of the hardest :-)...
What is helpful for one person is hurtful to another
I think the best thing is to be available, open and caring...
Often there is no need to say anything at all..
the painful truth is that in many cases
nothing said will really help anyway!
Acknowledging the babys existance
is probably one of the best and the most important things you can do...

Say things like...
*"Im sorry"
*"Im thinking of you"
*"Let me help"
*"Im here for you"
*"I know it hurts"

And above all
dont expect them to just "Get over it" and carry on like normal.
and remember, even when they appear to be doing that...
they still remember their loss and always will!.

I will add more here as i think of appropriate things.
However i would REALLY appreciate feedback on this
( what helped you?..or what would you have LIKED people to have done/said?)
Please email me with any thoughts...
Also Read the
"What Helps" Page..

"What helped me!"
(visitors share what helped...)
  • '..I was looking up at the stars and she asked 'are you thinking of your baby?' When i said I was,she responded.'Dont worry we arent going to forget your baby'.
    "That was the nicest most comforting thing anyone has said."
  • '....said 'Im sorry' and hugged me for a long time.Then asked 'what makes you feel better?'I told her how I dedicated a candle to my baby on a candle-light memorial on the Internet. She made it top priority there and then to go out and buy a candle (7 at night!).
    "I love it and still light it occasionally".
  • A couple of friends were great. They listened to me tell my experiences and pain over and over again,day after day...and just let me talk.
    "That was the best thing for me"

  • I was talking with a very close friend (a guy), telling him that I believe that you remain alive somehow if there is somebody remembering you. So he added, "Axel will never be forgotten, I will always remember him."

  • The day I started to bleed heavily, my husband had to go to work and open the store. His manager sent him home two hours later. I could tell he had been crying on the way home. A few minutes later he came and laid on the bed with me and we cried and cried. It helped so much to know he hurt too!
  • One of my friends was really great during this time. That same day, I went back to the doctor and was a basket case. She called me 3 times that day to see how I was (she is a very close friend) and came over to drop off supper with the statement, "I knew you wouldn't feel like cooking." Then she left. She was great. She didn't want to intrude, but she still wanted me to know she was thinking about us. She has been there for me in the days that followed, too.

Help others...add what helped you!
Click here for input form (moved to another page for now)

'Floor plan' of the East Wing;

Room 1

What Not
to say!'
Room 3



Room 9

Room 11


'East wing'

Room 2

How does
it feel?'
Room 4

What to
Room 6

Causes of
Room 8

Submit a
Room 10

Room 12

East wing
The above floor plan of the 'East wing will make it easier to find your way around. (You are currently in ROOM 4.)
For first time visitors with no experience of miscarriage;Welcome and thank you for visiting.I urge you to please start with ROOM 1!
Also please take a look at ROOM 2which considers how the parents are feeling.. And of course ROOM 4what TO say! (you are here)
If you have had a miscarriage and are looking for specific help/information .. Firstly i am sorry for your loss, you could try ROOM 3 which suggests a few things to do which help with the grieving process.
If you are feeling things are hard to cope with..maybe ROOM 5 which lets you know you are not alone with your emotions and sometimes extreme feelings after a loss.
Naturally there is always the question 'Why?'.Often this simply cannot be answered but in ROOM 6 there are listed some causes of miscarriage.
ROOM 7and ROOM 9 are 'public' memorial rooms where parents have left touching tributes to their own babies.You can view these and if you wish to leave one of your own ..go to ROOM 8to submit a memorial using the blank form there.
ROOM 10 is my personal tribute to our 'Sweetpea',story and memorial.
ROOM 11 is the links library - listing helpful links to other memorial sites and miscarriage help information resources.
ROOM 12 Is a special link page for people who kindly use my banner and link to 'East wing..to display their banner ( or have their site listed) Your site does not have to deal with miscarriage related topics to be listed here.