Ive sat for some time trying to decide how to start/lay out this page!
and it came to me that if youve never had a miscarriage it is so hard to understand
again and again we hear "oh but it was only the size of a bean" or perhaps"it wasnt really a BABY! " and so on..
So maybe this will help..
that one day a beautiful fairy appears and promises you something wonderful and magical
this is the positive pregnancy test
She gives you a special tiny seed and a little pot. "Plant your seed and care for it" she instructs
"and in time " she promises..."it will grow into what you desire!" and she disapears!
Let us assume that you desire a money tree! This is the seed for a money tree!
Imagine ~!You are so excited! You plant the seed and tend it and water it
maybe you talk to it,feed it,love it!
Every day you check to see if it has grown..then one day.. A tiny plantlet breaks through the soil! A miracle! IT has two tiny leaves (and no money)
but it is a money tree! You imagine what it will look like! Tall and strong and heavy with LOTS AND LOTS of money!
Who knows how long you have this fragile plant..maybe a day , a week, a month, six months, nine months..
not only have you imagined what it will be like...you have spent the money!
in the same way,from conception,parents imagine their children, name them, plan their futures!
Then one day you go to tend your plant...and it is dead.
this is the miscarriage
Withered and shriveled. All hope is gone. you are so sad, disapointed,letdown,heartbroken
What a shock!
Maybe you blame yourself..or you look for someone or something else to blame..
Then someone looks over your shoulder and laughs! 'That wasnt really a money tree!' they mock
'its just a little weed!there was probably something wrong with it!'

What NOT to say!!!
I was in the process of miscarrying..bleeding ..trying not to cry..having seen our dead baby on the ultrasound...
a senior midwife breezed into the room and chirped
"Ah yes! Well, nature takes care of her mistakes!!!"
this has remained THE most shocking and painful things anyone has said to me
concerning the loss. The day before, oblivious to any problem we had been excitedly planning our babys future
we loved it, anticipated it,were excited and thrilled. We imagined our baby, thought up names..looked forward to it.
Now someone was labelling our dead loved one A MISTAKE!

Never say......