April 7th 2000
September 5th (Fathers Day) 1999
My darling Sweetpea,
I was so happy when i was pregnant with you!
it was such a suprise when i fell pregnant - i was still breastfeeding your big brother Callum..
and it had taken so long to get pregnant with him...
we were sort of stunned for a short time when my doctor rung with the news!!!
but soon we were so excited and full of plans...!!!!!
I was sure you were a boy and we chose the name 'Malcolm" straight away!
I remember how i loved going out with Roxanne and Callum and bubbling with secret excitement because i had my '3' children with me!
I thought about you as my little Malcolm and imagined holding you..
we had an ultrasound at 6.5 weeks to date the pregnancy
and we were so thrilled to see you and your little heart beating..
how Mummy and Daddy were filled with love for you...!
I wanted so desperately to tell your sister you were there but didnt want 'the world' to know to soon!:-)
I told her when we lost you...september 5th Fathers day,here in Australia...
oh the shock - cold and cruel when i started to bleed...
I knew you were gone although the doctors were so optimistic right to the end -
when we saw your still form on the ultrasound screen..no heartbeat...no hope..
We all cried...Mummy,Daddy and Roxanne (Callum was too young...only 11 months)
and we made a memorial garden for you...
I cried bitterly for you every day for months..even when i fell pregnant with Drew...
after 9 months or so i found some peace but i still ache for you and sometimes the tears come from no-where..
I will never forget you and everything I now do to try and help others through the nightmare of losing a baby I do in your memory...
I love you Sweetpea....
We all do
Love and hugs and kisses
Mummy,Daddy,Roxanne,Callum and Drew ****************
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